There are many fearsome rumors that are whispered in darkened alleys telling of the awesome power of Raptor Jesus. One such rumor is the claim that Raptor Jesus can bend the laws of time and space. And while that rumor is technically true, it is unfortunately misleading. For you see, Raptor Jesus can do so in a fashion, but not in the way you may think
.…….and that way is Photoshop.
Not a real movie, but you thought it was, didn't you?
With just a click of his mouse Raptor Jesus can rearrange the two-dimensional past to his every whim, making seemingly impossible scenarios possible and causing the mortal mind to wonder“did that really happen?”
Yes, He's real! And He has a myspace!
For you see, unlike those other deities, Raptor Jesus is computer-literate. (Notice the myspace?)
His computer proficiency does not end with photoshop. He currently holds degrees in Quark, HTML, and even Javascript. But it’s photoshop that Raptor Jesus finds most effective in
spreading his good words. So while other deities are planting their faces in rock formations, gravy stains and water marks, Raptor Jesus is communicating with the masses with pictures
of His face photoshopped on half-naked teenagers.
